the neji to my ten
by misspandalily
Summary: A nice, little pocket for all my submissions for #nejitenmonth. Week 4: In which Neji and Tenten are assigned an egg to care for over the course of a month. Warning: Neji is a mother hen.
1. Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me

**Kick-starting my entries for #nejitenmonth is a long-awaited (on my part, at least) Kim Possible AU!**

 **If you're a shipper, equivocal supporter, or reader of NejiTen, I highly recommend you get in on this July's action because there is going to be a massive month of NejiTen goodness. There's already a big, juicy, gold-plattered, five-meal course of entries floating around on tumblr as you read this - as well as plenty more where that came from, so feel free to dig in!**

 **Prompt: Missions, "let me hold your hands for a second", rivals or friends**

 **Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto (Kishimoto) nor Kim Possible (Disney).**

* * *

 _Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me_

* * *

He's the most infuriating, self-entitled, pompous, insensitive _duckweed_ she's met since that freshman Sasuke Uchiha accidentally knocked her over while making out with Naruto and didn't apologise for it. To this day, she still throws them eyedaggers whenever they pass her in the hallways - and let it be known that Teen Superhero Tenten's projectiles always manage to hit their target.

Only this time, the _collaborator_ isn't gay and certainly doesn't have the bad-boy aura of Sasuke - he looks like one of those Japanese dolls put out on display every New Year, with his smooth black hair, porcelain complexion and his stupid, stupid ever-present smirk.

Lee, her very competent crime-fighting partner, insists that this rival of theirs is the epitome of youth that everyone - especially her, being a young individual who isn't getting any younger - should aspire to be, so she really shouldn't aim to impale him like Vlad Tepes did to his captured prisoners every time their companies put them together to defeat the same villain.

And here's the thing: she and Lee are fine working together. Their track record is amazing! It's just that their agencies seem to be under the impression that she, Lee and Neji are bloody unstoppable.

Tch, yeah right. Every time Neji "I work alone" Hyuga joins in, they argue over whichever method should be used to defuse bombs, or how to throw a grappling hook onto the ledge of a building, or why C4 should be used to demolish a secret lair instead of the good old, tried-and-true petroleum smothered by fire. Certainly not teamwork-worthy enough for how much praise they get as a three-person unit. And really, who even cares if they've cracked down on some of the hugest villains in the 'biz when they can't stand the sight of each other in real life?

Team Guy and Hyuga Corps, apparently. And the entire world's media.

Okay, fine. Objectively, it makes perfect sense to team them up. Neji is the perfect complement to her long range, weapons-based attacks. He can block just about any manoeuvre and has amazing foresight to boot. And while they're busy securing mission grounds and planning out attack formations, Lee's usually the one who charges forth and offsets their overbearing need for meticulous planning by being so characteristically straightforward. It's usually him who manages to save the day in the most bizarre, out-of-the-box way possible.

But that aspect of their teamwork is where Tenten draws the metaphorical line. She is thoroughly and genuinely disheartened and disapproving of the notion of working with Neji Hyuga, whose agency is overly-reliant on the latest gadgets and are so, so pompous. She's an old school kind of girl who isn't afraid to mix and match with new-age technology, which is often the point of ire between her and Neji whenever they see each other (which, despite how many times she prays to Kami, is often).

At least they don't attend the same high school, because _that_ would be the perfect recipe for a disaster. According to the research that Tenten 100% does not carry out by means of covert surveillance (she totally did stalk him, not that she'll ever admit that to Lee, but it was that one time!), Neji spends his days lounging around the posh gardens of Konoha's Academy for Gifted Individuals, moves to different classes in a private limousine because the campus is that huge, and drinks water out of golden goblets, or something. It's a stark contrast to the more...rustic environment of Konoha High but money doesn't buy happiness, so Tenten's absolutely sure that the amount of privilege that surrounds Neji is proportional to the internal conflict raging on in that tiny, tiny lump of coal that is his heart.

He should be, because just last week he actually stepped aside for her to defuse a bomb and delivered sound advice as she did it - it only took them ten seconds! And the other day Neji steadied her bleeding arm when she threw the grappling hook and carried her in his arms as they ascended the building. That's not all - the guy even let her pour petrol over Orochimaru's latest machine and set fire to it right after they jumped to safety on a helicopter.

What a prick.

Always holding open doors and spontaneously meeting her outside school gates when the day ends and escorting her home during the winter when it's cold and dark (although that took some time getting used to) and making sure she's uninjured and bandaging her when she is. Look, she didn't ask to be bandaged and she didn't ask for him to hold her hand up to administer first aid, never requested for him to make her blush, and he went ahead and did it anyway. None of those occurrences were pre-approved by Tenten so really, she shouldn't have been worried yesterday when he fell off a cliff during a mission.

Except she totally was. Lee was busy fighting off goons and she'd just received a lovely slice to her bicep when Neji was pushed by a thug the size of Mt Everest. It set off about a million triggers in her head - she recalled seeing red and throwing something at the guy's legs and trunk, and then she'd sprinted to the edge of the cliff and fired a grappling hook at the air just beside Neji, which he grabbed on to at the cable end and vaulted himself to safety with at the last second.

Tenten had started crying, and hugging and speaking gibberish - but that could easily be interpreted as concern.

.

Who was she kidding?

.

.

.

"You're early," Neji's leaning against his usual gate-area when she reaches the exit, a smile gracing the curve of his lips when she greets him. "And your arm is covered expertly, as per usual," he gets close to but doesn't touch the part of her right arm they both know is sliced through like butter and stitched up like a patchwork quilt. She consciously pulls at the edge of her jumper sleeve and shrugs.

"Yeah, I was discharged a few hours ago. Came to school to submit my assignment."

"The one on the physics of the Pyramids of Giza?"

"The very same," Tenten grins and taps at her temple lightly. "It took a few brain cells to pump out, but let's just say the aliens were involved."

They reach their usual bus stop - a crossroads between her small suburban home and Neji's castle - and take a seat. Tenten throws her bag down and slumps against the wall with an agonised groan. Neji's lips perform a funny little smirk and all too soon, she's plagued with the image of his body being flung off a cliff and her subsequent sobbing.

It's a topic they haven't broached since then, even though they've had a debriefing at HQ and silently helped bandage each other up afterwards. She's hoping they'll be able to come to a mutual understanding and psychic agreement like they usually do but as Neji has been as unpredictable as Lee is lately, Tenten's hopes aren't fulfilled.

"Thank you," his voice is barely louder than a mumble, "For saving my life."

Tenten feels something lodge in her throats and coughs a few times, drawing his attention. She tries not to blush at the intensity of his gaze but (probably) fails. "You would've done the same for me."

"I would have," he smiles kindly, "But I wasn't sure if you reciprocated until last night."

Good Kami, does she really come off as that horrible?

Tenten fingers the edge of her sleeve again and leans her head back against the wall of the bus stop. Then again, she had been swearing eternal rival-tude to Neji prior to last night's mission, only to do a complete 180-flip and save his arse the next day - so. That changes things. "I guess we don't always do what we think when the time calls for it. I mean I thought I hated your guts, but obviously I don't anymore and I really don't know when that even changed?" A bus that's probably Neji's route home pulls into the station but he doesn't get on. "I mean, in between saving the world and trying to submit that stupid assignment, I probably realised inwardly that there are other things to channel my hate into - and the fact that you stopped being a twat helped, like heaps." She finishes off her speech when Neji starts doing this strange, ear-splitting grin that makes her voice stop in its tracks and all of a sudden she feels like smashing her head through the glass.

"You mean," Neji says, grin still fixed firmly in place, "You like me now."

"No!" She flushes, crossing her hands before her for emphasis, "I just don't severely dislike you now - enough to save your life."

"Oh, okay," he turns back to watching buses departing and cars avoiding potholes, still beaming, "Well I don't severely dislike you either."

"Good," Tenten says with an air of finality, "Because if you did, that would be awkward."

"Anything for the missions," he smirks.

"Exactly my point," she agrees vehemently. "Can't save the world otherwise." It's her bus's turn to tumble into the station, prompting Tenten to jump to her feet a little faster than one would consider normal (but she isn't just a normal teen, so she considers this matter obsolete), and make a grab at her bag.

"Here, I'll help." Neji swipes up the bag after she makes a miserable attempt of trying to haul it up. "Your arm needs time to rest," he elaborates as she shoots him an affronted glare because how dare he assume she's not strong enough, and then holds his arm out for her to embark onto the bus.

Tenten decides not to look the gift horse in the mouth and boards, the fingers of her swinging arms brushing against Neji's outstretched hand lightly. "Um, thanks," she says as he plops down into the seat beside her, oddly close for the amount of space that's available for them, "You should probably let yourself rest too, near-death experience and all."

"I'm fine," he replies reassuringly, "An angel saved me."

Her heart suddenly performs a pirouette in her chest cavity, it's as disarming as it sounds, and she stares out of the window with her eyes popped open. By all means, Tenten is no stranger to receiving compliments, especially considering her line of work, but such things are essentially unheard of where Neji is concerned.

The logical thought-processes of her brain currently on autopilot, she reacts by pursing her lips into a smile and grinning up at him like an idiot. She feels the apples of her cheeks heating up to volcanic temperatures when Neji dips his head down and whispers something sounding exactly like, "When I met you, I thought you were Heaven on earth."

The fuses in her head wire back together, but in the wrong location, because, "And then I started talking."

Neji chuckles. "I could read the profanities off of your face. They were quite impressive."

"I'm glad. For a while I was worried you didn't get the memo." The corner of her mouth twitches before she turns her head back to the window, hiding her mortification from Neji's view. Had she just…flirted _back_? With Neji Hyuga? Without trying to strangle him?

There's a sudden bump in the road that sends them into the air for a microsecond, and then she feels his hand covering the top of her hand. Tenten's still wide-eyed at the window when she realises this. Should she move her hand away? He hasn't, yet - and she's assertive, damn it! A few days ago, the slightest skin contact with him would've sent him careening to the other side of the bus!

A pregnant pause ensues, during which her brain flat-wires again, and Neji apparently decides to nudge her palm around and rest his fingers in between hers. She tilts her head down slightly to look at their intertwined hands, tan patterned against a pale white, and pushes a rising sea of panic to the back of her mind. Her fingers curl forwards and find refuge on top of his knuckles.

It feels…nice.

* * *

 **-misspandalily**


	2. darl' it's better down where it's wetter

**First of all, thank you to everyone who left a review or thoroughly enjoyed the previous chapter! I've received some enquiries about how to participate/where to access the stories and entries for Nejiten Month - if you look up 'nejitenmonth' on tumblr, there is an account dedicated to the happenings of NejiTen for this entire July month along with instructions (if you search for the very first post). Enjoy!**

 **Prompt: AU, things we wish we said**

 **Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto nor The Little Mermaid.**

* * *

 _darling it's better down where it's wetter_

* * *

"I'm telling you - no one will ever lay in your clam shell if you keep acting like there's kelp up your tail hole."

Neji rolls his eyes and swims over to his front door, spotting a giggling Tenten webbed-arm-in-arm with his cousin. Naruto stops yammering and follows his line of sight. "Is that Hinata?"

Neji whips his head around in time to see Naruto's gills flare up - a sign of giddy excitement that definitely should _not_ be appearing as far as he's concerned. Tails of pearl-white and burgundy float closer towards them; Neji wrenches on a smile as Naruto swims to the incoming mermaids and envelopes them in a big hug.

"Lady Hinata. Tenten." Both mermaids greet him with toothy smiles. Naruto's nose catches a current of fish soup as he turns around at the exact same moment Hinata manages to eke out a greeting. Tenten, being the kindred spirit that she is, immediately whacks Naruto's shoulder.

"Ow! Hey, what's your problem?"

"Hello to you too, you dugong."

At that, Naruto smiles bashfully. "Sorry - just a little hungry."

"You ate an entire whale ten waves ago," Neji says flatly.

"Hilarious," Naruto deadpans. "But I'm a growing merman! I need the sustenance!"

"You turned five hundred just last moon. In no wave is that young," Tenten snorts and prods his cheek with the back of her portable mini-trident.

"Younger than _you_ ," he sticks out his tongue in response and hides behind Hinata when Tenten charges toward him. "Help! It's a bull-shark!"

Neji uses another moment to emphatically roll his eyes at Naruto and opens his door. "You ready?"

Tenten nods several times before swimming into their red coral apartment. They hear Naruto let out a long seal-whistle when the door shuts behind them.

"He doesn't know what we're actually doing, right?" Tenten glances at him in amusement as she blows kisses at Naruto and Hinata from the window. Neji finds himself struck silent with the reminder of what's to come. She'd been planning her expedition of the Pacific Ocean a solid three moons prior to their graduation yesterday - it'll quite literally be the only time in his life that Tenten won't be a fixture in his daily routines. He proffers a cup of his infamously bitter seaweed tea to her and smiles when she accepts it gratefully.

"No. But I'm sure he somehow found a way to interpret a discussion of the complexities of sea-air transformation as procreation."

"He probably zoned out before he heard the 'ex' in 'complexities'. Naruto isn't exactly academically inclined."

"He can be," Neji practically pouts, "I know he can - I've seen him in high-shoal."

"Not everyone in Konoha goes to shoallege like we do, Neji. The Mer can only do so much in one place before they want to explore." Neji watches her swim to the gigantic oceanic map dominating on one of their walls and stare at it wistfully. She's an unusual being, even in a settlement like Konoha that reputedly has the highest rates of marine diversity in the ocean.

He sighs. "Are you ready?"

Tenten nods her head solemnly. "Exploration is in my blood, Neji; I can _feel_ it. I just wish I didn't have to leave you behind." He catches the regret in her gaze and sets his own cup of tea down.

"It had to happen some day," he assures her quietly, "I just hope you find what you're looking for."

"My people, you mean."

He shrugs. This is no revelation to Neji. He'd known her since she was one-hundred and even as a young merling he knew she didn't fit in completely. The webbing under her arms were a dead giveaway - she was the only one in the entire city with such features. And her tail, common colour as it was, wasn't scaled like theirs. It was smooth to the touch, like sealskin.

Physically, Tenten had never been able to integrate herself into their society, even though she'd been around since seven-hundred years ago and grew up with the same customs and traditions. She had friends, for sure, friends like Lee and Gai and Naruto and Hinata who all loved and treated her like a sister. She had shoallege friends who drank purified kelp juice with her until the early waves of the morning before returning to their apartment with her sea-shell bra clearly missing.

And she has him - he's not sure where he stands with her, he's not sure if he likes it that way, and he isn't about to consult anyone about his completely non-platonic feelings for her anytime in the near future. Soberly, anyway. The few times he'd been drunk enough to psycho-vent to someone was when Naruto had also been around, and sadly, the merman hadn't been completely sloshed like he was so he heard _everything_.

Everything, being the fact that Neji is irrevocably in love with his best friend, and that his guts are the approximate size of a shrimp. Five-hundred years loving Tenten's kindness and her ability to be simultaneously open yet firm, and the closest he ever got to telling her was - _ironically_ \- when they were both inebriated beyond relief.

And to this day, Naruto remains the most terrifying part of Neji's life for the secrets he's holding in that head-hole of his.

Neji's point is, despite being a beloved member of their community, Tenten is distinctly different because she wants to _go_. When tiny merchildren of Konoha cower in fear of the deep blue sea stretching beyond their village, Tenten is the one who tells them stories about the underwater - from the fantastic beasts swimming over them with their gigantic tails and expert current manipulation to the smaller ones that make homes out of strange places like rock pools.

He's even heard her talk about the 'neighbouring' villages on occasion. Suna with it's never-ending sandstorms and sinkholes, Kiri with its more volatile currents, Iwa where the entire city is embedded and carved within a deep trench, and (admittedly) terrifying Kumo where the seas are almost impossible to live in.

Neji rarely ever misses the spark in her eyes when she speaks, and never fails to notice the way it dims slightly when she's asked where she wants to go first. She wants to go everywhere, Tenten says with a laugh.

And then her face turns slightly purple after the merchildren are gone. She wants to go home.

"Where do you think it is?"

Neji looks up slowly and realises he's floated to the ceiling; although, Tenten hasn't seemed to notice either. Her back is still facing him, brown hair lazily curling around in response to the currents.

"Not the five villages, so where?" He frowns when she does.

"I don't know," Neji says honestly.

"I want to find it," she echoes the same words she's been saying for the past three centuries. "I need to find my home." _Even if it means leaving you_ , is the unspoken phrase when she yet again turns to him apologetically. He's heard her mantra enough times to numb himself from the pain that comes with her departure (he hopes). The only difference was that he'd always remained silent before, but now that she's actually leaving...

Neji stops her with a hesitant touch on her shoulder - she looks at him, a purplish tinge to her nose. His next words feel like spears piercing through his chest. "Next moon, we'll all be searching for our own strings of Fate. Mine is standing before me," he plows on when something akin to shock passes through her expression. "But I know yours lies beyond the waters of Konoha."

Tenten appears to have been hit by two whales and a giant squid, because she's catatonic by the time he finishes his speech. He rubs the back of his necks, steadily growing more nervous the longer she stays silent. Was it something he said?

"Am I-" Neji perks up when she looks at him sharply. "Am I your string of fate?"

"Your- what?"

"You said I was your string of fate," she asserts, a glimmer of something in her eye that unsettles him. He stares back at her blankly as he hurriedly flicks through the conversation and _oh_.

"Well," he coughs, his mind reaching a blank. Tenten shakes her head, amused, and short-circuits his brain by placing the palm of her webbed hand on his cheek.

"You're right. Thank you for understanding."

Briefly, Neji contemplates backtracking his earlier reassurances and changing her mind - they don't graduate for another month for one, and he honestly doesn't know how he'll cope without her there to buffer Naruto's...uniqueness.

A deep part of him will forever curse him for letting her leave without at least telling her that he's loved her since they met, but Neji is a man of practicality above all. He won't help her achieve anything by confessing - not now, at least.

He settles for a rare hug, pulling her in and allowing the scent of raw salmon shampoo in her hair to waft into his nostrils comfortingly - achingly. The words are on the tip of his tongue.

"I," Tenten makes a humming sound when he speaks, "I wish you a safe journey." Neji closes his eyes and soaks himself in her scent again, knowing that he's her last stop before she goes.

"Thank you again, Neji," she gives him a watery smile and clasps his hands in between hers. "For everything."

* * *

 **-misspandalily**


	3. drink, lipstick, pull yourself together

**You guys are beautiful, beautiful people. 3**

 **Prompts used: can I have this dance, seduction/sexual tension**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!**

* * *

 _drink, lipstick, pull yourself together_

* * *

She's the last person he expects to see on this mission. Even with her face hidden from view with an elegant bowler hat and her body clothed in a velvet black ensemble, he knows exactly who he's dealing with.

They're far away from the festivities of the Uchiha Gala, in a dimly-lit exhibition room they both know contains a rare painting worth billions. His father is languishing on a hospital bed, his life helplessly dependent on machines that're costing Neji an arm and a leg. He needs this painting for Hizashi to not die in pain, because in Neji's life of organised thievery and art heists, the only honourable part of himself is his devotion to the one parent who hasn't died on him yet. His father will be treated in a Private Hospital and by the Tsunade Senju herself, even if she's unbelievably expensive _and_ hard to find. Hell will freeze over before he lets his father suffer just because his Uncle refuses to sign him off on a mission to steal the most priceless painting in the world, nay, Universe.

Although, considering who his unexpected rival is, stealing it from the gallery will be much harder than he anticipates.

Neji doesn't speak up, just quietly manoeuvres his way down the hall and begs for his shoes not to make a noise. His investment in noise-cancelling soles is well-spent; they're blissfully silent.

The revised plan is to take the painting from her as soon as she retrieves it from the wall - he's blocking the entrance, and there's only one way she'll be able to escape unless she's daring enough to jump down five storeys in _that_ dress. With a dexterous, gloved hand, Tenten disables the alarms set on the frame and slices out the canvas with a Stanley knife. Neji watches her roll it up and slide it into a thin cylindrical tube before slotting it into her handbag. It's inconspicuous to anyone who doesn't know better.

He follows her as soon as she straightens her posture and resolutely struts away from the crime scene, taking little notice of the man slinking behind her in the shadows. Or so he thinks.

Seconds away from reaching the archway, Tenten tilts her head to the side, lifts her chin, and gives Neji a small, knowing smirk. In the moment that he realises he's been duped, Tenten removes a smoke bomb from her handbag and tosses it at the ground before him. He knows to avoid it and manages to escape the fog within seconds, but it's all she needs to make a run for it.

Frustrated, Neji races after her retreating figure, her form cutting a dark silhouette against the pale white light coming from the ball room. She makes a sharp turn right and disappears from his view.

By the time he rushes through the doors of the ball room, the only possible direction Tenten could have gone, he's cursing Sasuke Uchiha for making this a black-tie event. His vision is bombarded by people in black, some masked, some downing wine goblets like water. The only one who isn't joining in, though not by lack of trying, is Lee, who's in a deep forest green and entertaining some drunk men by performing handstands. Trust the one accomplice he has in this crime to be somersaulting on a marble floor, Neji thinks, and then catches sight of the one woman wearing a bowler hat. He charges forth and grabs her wrist before she can weave her way out of the dance-floor and into the lattice of white tables in front of the exit.

She struggles at first, trying in vain to escape - he almost regrets his actions when she winces in pain from the grasp of his fist, but the image of Hizashi dying from stomach cancer is enough to squash it down. Something in Tenten's face clears. She replaces her ire with a smile.

"May I have this dance?" He leaves no room for objection, choosing to lead her into the throng of waltzing dancers as she gives him the same musical laugh that draws him in almost _every single time_ they meet on the job. The operational word being, _almost._ Neji's not trying to flagrantly defy Hiashi on a mission this time, he's just straight up disobeying him and possibly buying himself a one-way ticket to a Witness Protection program as soon as he's able to pay off all the medical bills and funeral costs. The point is, Tenten's plump, red lips aren't seducing him as well as they did in the past because this time he has a clear purpose.

"Oh, you just can't get enough of me." Even underneath the big hat, he's able to see her eyes glimmer with delight as he leads her through the dance. The attempt to fool him into thinking he's the alpha isn't tricking him. He knows just how well Tenten can dance - backwards and in stiletto heels. The bag on her side is his primary objective, although it does seem to be caught beneath their armpits.

"Hardly." He pulls her in at the waist and presses her up against him. Her chest is tough, presumably due to the bullet-proof vests she ensures is always on her person, as well as the thick coat she's wearing. Neji respects her practicality. It's winter, and gun violence is becoming increasingly prevalent by the day. "You have something I want." Neji doesn't let go when the music changes. It elicits a few affronted huffs from surrounding dancers. Their steps quicken.

"I assure you, sweetheart," she leans back, allowing him to see the shit-eating grin on her face, "You're not getting it tonight."

"Very funny," he says bluntly, "but I meant-"

"I know exactly what you meant. And my answer?" He waits for her expectantly. "Not going to happen." The knee to his groin is expected, yet the subsequent elbow to his face is far from it. Neji is disarmed, but still beelines after her when she makes a run for the nearby wall and defies gravity on her way to the other side of the accumulated crowd. There's a commotion, and Neji isn't keen on replicating the parkour he'd just witnessed (neither can he replicate it, actually), so he pushes shocked businessmen aside and heads towards the exit.

Upon reaching it, his vision is impounded by a black leather handbag that slams against his face hard enough for him to fall to the ground. The cartilage of his nose appears to be disgruntled, but not broken. Neji's ears pick up on the sound of heels clicking away and scrunches his face before peeling himself off of the ground.

"Did you just get dumped?" Neji hears the raucous voice of Lee behind him and rolls his eyes. A muscly green arm pulls him up and helps him steady himself. "Again?"

"No," he pulls his phone from his pocket and pulls up a blinking, red dot that's edging away from his blue one on a map. Lee looks over his shoulder and lets out a low whistle. "Not yet."

.

.

.

"I thought I'd find you here," Tenten rests her cheek on her palm when she sees him striding into Ichiraku's calmly. "Although this time you're disappointingly slower than before."

She gestures to the two steaming cups of coffee sitting in front of her as he sits down. Tea is his preferred beverage, which she knows - it's like a punch to his face.

"I'm touched that you waited," Neji sets his phone on the table, their dots merging to become purple, and lets the information sink in for her. "Why do you do this?"

To his surprise, she gives him a knowing smile and holds her right hand out, palm skywards. "Just foreplay, sweetheart," she grins. There's a small black spot sitting in the centre. Neji doesn't allow his inner frustration to surface, even though he wants to slam his fist into a wall for somehow letting her one-up him again. They're two of the best agents in their respective companies, and yet he feels like he may as well be Naruto when she comes into the picture. The beginnings of his internal monologue are suddenly interrupted by the fact that Tenten looks...sincere. All pretences of cheek and sardonic humour gone, he feels like he's looking into a mirror of himself, and it's as gut-wrenchingly uncomfortable as Lee constantly claims.

"My boss is giving me an out. For life. I'm doing this as my official last assignment," she starts. He immediately squeezes his eyes shut and feels the vein in his forehead popping out slightly. Of course this is her last assignment. Of course he's hit by a wave of conscience for her on the one mission he doesn't need or want it. A week earlier and he would've been fine with the decision to not let her get away with the painting. A week earlier, they hadn't poured their hearts out to each other yet. When he opens his eyes again, she's staring at him expectantly.

"You're cleaning up."

"I'm starting afresh," Tenten slides a piece of paper over to him. He barely dips his chin down to read it.

"You're moving," he sees her new name printed in bold on the top of the sheet, followed by the signatures of several other individuals.

"I'm planning on moving," she corrects him again with a sad smile. "But I can't." Neji frowns. Tenten removes the tube from her bag and places it on the table before him. "I can't leave in peace knowing what I do about you and your father. Take it. I can stay with Danzo a little longer if necessary." He briefly contemplates seizing it and pawning it off for his fathers medical bills, then thinks back to the years he's spent watching Tenten robbing banks and performing art heists at ungodly hours to pay off her own crippling debt. There are plenty of other expensive paintings for him to steal and sell later on; though the urgency for this particular one bites into his conscience even harder. The bank seemed unwilling to loan him more money, too.

Neji takes the high road. He pushes the tube back to her side of the table and downs the cup of coffee as a way of punishing himself. Her face starts to blur at the edges. "You need to escape. Danzo has done enough."

A pained expression crosses her features. "I-"

"No," he cuts her off abruptly. Tenten's lips disappear into a thin line. "Go when you have the chance." He takes a deep breath when another bout of wooziness starts to overtake him. A hand reaches up to his forehead, though he isn't sure whose it is. He feels it gently moving along the tattoo that's lying beneath his bandages, hears her soothing tone above him and allows his eyes to shut tight.

"Gets you every time." The voice is sad. He blacks out.

.

.

.

 **Certificate of Death**

 _This is to acknowledge the death of_

Hizashi Hyuga

 _On the_ 3rd _day of_ July _in the year_ 2017

 _At:_ Konoha Private Hospital

 _Signed:_ Dr Tsunade Senju

* * *

 **-misspandalily**


	4. because Team Gai is so extra

**It's been a great month for nejiten, and I am very keen to see this event being repeated next year, possibly with more people getting involved as well! Bigs thanks to everyone who enjoyed these oneshots!**

 **Week 4 prompt used: it isn't my fault you're perfect, gifts**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!**

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 _because Team Gai is so extra_

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"Your new hurdle assessment piece: in pairs, you will be assigned an egg to care for over the next month. Now, please come up to the front to draw your partner's name."

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Because she has no surname, Tenten is the first to draw a name from the weird, sparkly blue top hat that Mr Hatake insists on displaying year-round, even though it's a little frayed at the edges and losing the rich sapphire colour it used to have. She remembers Temari the Senior telling her that it's because he actually stores his porn books in it, though no one's ever come close enough to the hat to find one. He also wears a mask, for some reason, and she's pretty sure that it's against Departmental Regulations but Mr Hatake is also the coolest health teacher on campus so she isn't about to cross that line. Yet.

She dips her hand into the hat, swirls it around a bit, prays that she'll have a partner who'll help her pass and not shatter the egg, then picks up a piece of paper that's folded so precisely it's an exact square. Opening it up, Tenten is awarded by the most shocking revelation of her life. Who in the blazes is 'Neji Hyuga'?

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Neji Hyuga, apparently, is that guy who sits right at the front with his hair immaculately tied into a ponytail and snaps out lines that border between poetry and insults. She honestly has never paid much attention to him, only now knowing that he's been topping the academic board for so long that no one - not even the teachers - bother acting surprised when he scores highest every year. Also, he's the cousin of Konoha High's wallflower, Hinata Hyuga, a sweet sophomore who's so quiet and kind that no one in the school wants to pick on her, ever. Which is why their relation comes as another shock to Tenten because Neji (who actually talks a lot in class, to her surprise) is probably the worst person she's ever met.

"Hi, I'm Tenten," she holds out a hand for him to shake. Their seats are being reassigned to whoever their new partners are, and amongst all of the shuffling and shouting that's going on, Tenten is one to always remember etiquette because she's a good girl who was raised right by the orphanage caretaker. The same doesn't seem to go for him, because he leaves her hanging and replies with a stiff nod. "Okay," she slumps into her new, disgustingly warm, seat, "nice to meet you too."

"Let's just get this over and done with," he says with an air of finality. Tenten sputters, her eyes darting between the egg sitting before them and his stoic face. He returns her incredulous gaze with one of impetuousness. "We only need to talk whenever the assignment entails it."

"Wow," she mutters to herself, then side-eyes him, and decides to completely skip over the part where she wants to retain her etiquette, "You are such a loser."

 _That_ gets his attention. Neji swivels in his seat, abhorred. "I don't think I recall you topping the school's academic board."

"I came first in PE, doucheface," she hisses back when Mr Hatake's powerpoint slides pop up - a sign for total silence that no one has ever listened to in the years he's been teaching here (so, five).

"Ah, a subject for men."

"Yeah, well," her brain is rifling through the vast database of insults she stores in her mind whenever she's in the shower and arguing with an imaginary person, "If you look at that list, you don't even qualify as one."

Neji stares. Mr Hatake finally manages to quiet down the class with a horn he keeps stowed away in his top drawer. Neji continues to stare, to her satisfaction. "I don't like you."

"Neji," Mr Hatake calls out, having caught him for breaking the Sacred Rule of Silence, "Kindly refrain from defying authority for today, thank you."

From her slumped posture, elbows on the table, fingers holding her pens and paper in place, Tenten tilts her head back and lets out a silent laugh.

.

.

"Look," Tenten sighs for the fiftieth time since entering the Hyuga Compound. It's a large mansion with marble floors, columns and staircases; she's slipped once or twice, because that's how polished it is. They're in Neji's room, deciding on a name for their egg (which apparently takes more than the six allotted hours of a school day when it comes to Neji Hyuga's 'List of Adequate Baby Egg Names, Condensed and Revised for Tenten's Stupidity') and timetabling their shifts. "Could you please stop thermoregulating the egg? Literally nothing has changed in the past two hours. Give it a rest."

He almost gasps in astonishment, but she counts it as a success when he finally removes his thermometer from the mini marble egg bathtub. Don't ask, because she'll tell you anyway, but Neji claims that his little cousin Hanabi has a Thing for collecting elaborate, custom-made egg-holders. Tenten doesn't buy it. At all. "Excuse you. My child will be cared for in the way I deem fit."

"Wow," she watches him fuss over his - their - egg like a mother hen and massages her forehead delicately. "I think I just understood something."

"Meaning?"

"Nothing flattering for you, that's what."

"I don't need flattery from you when I have Eggbert to care for."

"Hold up," Tenten places her palms in the air, affronted, "Eggbert? I thought we agreed on Eggs Benedict?"

Neji scoffs with his nose high up in the air. "No child of mine will be named Eggs Benedict. How barbaric."

"I'm sorry," she starts sarcastically, "It's not my fault you're so perfect. After we inaugurate the egg into your clan, shall we decide on Eggbert von Hyugastein's bedroom decor?"

"The best suggestion you've made since...well, ever."

Tenten groans. This is going to be a long month.

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Despite the looming threat of mid-year exams catching on, Neji sticks to their shift timetables like a slavedriver and insists on getting the compulsory 'joint parenting outing' out of the way so that he 'never has to see her face again'. Like he can even help that. They literally have every class together.

Because he's the one forcing her out of her procrastinatory slumber, though, she gets to choose where they go - egg-racing in the park with Lee, since he refused to pay for a huge dinner at Konoha's most expensive restaurant (The Golden Flower) for their family.

Reputedly the most active person in all of Konoha, tying only with Mr Gai, Rock Lee wears spandex-green jumpsuits on a constant basis and emulates his idol Bruce by spending almost every waking second in the gym and dojo, if not on his extremely sleek bob. He's overwhelming, but he's also Tenten's best friend, as well as someone Neji once described to her as 'pitiful' and 'annoying', so that's why they're meeting up with him.

Predictably, Lee's egg is painted forest green, complete with orange leg-warmers and a mini-bob, and is called the 'Springtime of Youth'. Tenten takes utter delight in the cringe that spreads across Neji's face when he realises that they have to spend the next ten hours with Lee unless he agrees to spread out 'joint parenting outing' over a month instead of a day.

Anyway, the race is amazing. Lee puts all of his energy into everything he does, so it's a complete obstacle course of sloping slides and mazes for the waxed eggs to roll through. She places all of her savings (so, fifty cents - she likes to buy things, okay? Shut up, Neji.) on Eggbert von Hyugastein and is shockingly backed up by Neji's big, fat, fifty-dollar bill. The gesture catches her off-guard, because he's actually smiling at her, but then Lee declares the betting pool closed and starts the race.

Here's a snippet of how it goes:

"Lee's winning. LEE'S EGG IS WINNING. SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH IS WINNING. NEJI."

Neji calmly squints at their egg, dressed to the nines in tailored Hyuga robes, to move faster down the padded obstacle course. It works; Springtime of Youth suddenly comes to a halt, giving Eggbert the precious few seconds it needs to gain ground. Tenten whoops and tackles Neji into a headlock.

"YOU'RE AMAZING. NEJ, WE'RE WINNING!"

Neji manages to claw his way out and straighten his robes with enough dignity to make the Queen feel ashamed. "I told you," Tenten's seconds away from crying tears of happiness when she looks at him, "Eggbert is telepathic."

"My baby's growing up," Tenten wipes a tear away from the corner of her eye as she leans her head onto Neji's stiffened shoulder. "Our baby's growing up."

.

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"Honey, I'm home!"

Neji opens the door to his room and greets her. "I prefer being called Neji."

"I was talking to Eggbert, loser."

"Oh," Neji replies, trying not to look too disappointed.

Tenten places her bag on the ground and coos at the egg perched in its diorama-room, in between the mini-marble columns and Picasso paintings on the walls. "How's my widdle baby doing? Mummy's home now and she has a gift!"

Tenten extracts a decorative egg cup with 'SPELL-BINDEGG' printed in bold over the surface and situates it in the corner of Eggbert's room.

Neji joins her and smiles down at his child. "They grow up so fast. An hour ago Eggbert rolled over."

She gasps in delight before letting her face fall. "I've been meaning to ask," Neji turns around and quirks up an eyebrow. "Don't you think I should get some home-time with Eggbert now? You've already had your two weeks and I _am_ the mother of our child."

Neji gawks at once. "But-what will I do in my spare time? This is just cruel."

"You'll still get to see Eggbert every second day and on weekends - it's not like I'm taking it from you forever."

Neji gives Eggbert a pained look and says, "I'm sorry this is the way things have turned out, son. But understand that your mother and I love you very much. It's just best for you to know what it's like to have a mother before you come back and live with me forever."

Tenten turns to him, aghast. "Forever? What happened to equal coparenting? I'm family too! I deserve to be with my baby and if you won't accept that then I demand full custody. In fact," she grabs Eggbert and the cup and seizes her bag from the ground. "Good luck seeing my baby again."

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It's a little dramatic, even for her tastes, but it's _her_ baby. She can't help it if eggs bring out the drama queen inside of her.

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"Are you going to keep ignoring me?"

Tenten sniffs, like Neji sitting next to her like he always does in class these days is the beginning of the apocalyse. Eggbert is sitting on her side of the table for the in-class examination of egg-health.

"We have to make up someday. Eggbert needs both his parents. I'm sorry I tried to take you out of the picture, but I've thought about it and I think we can come to a compromise."

She turns to him with a slight smile. "You mean it? You don't think I'm a horrible parent anymore?"

"No," Neji shakes his head encouragingly, "I think we both have our strengths and weaknesses. It's up to us to give Eggbert the family it deserves."

Mr Hatake walks in twenty minutes late with his briefcase, and Tenten sniffles and slides Eggbert to the middle of their table. "Okay."

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"I don't want to see Eggbert go," Neji whines when the alotted month is up. Tenten's sniffing beside him as they walk up the steps into their classroom. "You think you know a person but they're really just an inhumane teacher trying to steal our babies away from us."

They reach the door to the classroom, where they're greeted by Lee's strange green egg, Naruto and Sasuke's predictably smashed egg yolk and Sakura and Ino's bowtied egg, and Neji makes a strange hissing sound.

"My precious," he clutches Eggbert to his chest and glares at Mr Hatake, who's not late for once and rolling his eyes at them humourlessly. "You will not take my baby from me."

"It was never yours to begin with," their teacher calls out flatly, because yes, chickens lay eggs.

Churlishly, Tenten stomps to her desk and shouts, "You're never yours to begin with," Neji in tow with Eggbert still held tight against his chest. They take their designated seats at the front and glare up at the teacher in silent protest.

Mr Hatake ignores their passive aggressive intervention and drawls out the names of partnered groups to walk up to the front for presentations. Predictably, as Kakashi always calls people at the top of the roll, she and Neji are called up first. They make a show of whipping out her custom made shuriken USB drives when they go up, terror-inducing glares still glued onto their faces and aimed at Naruto, who's suddenly confused as Hell.

"It is time," Neji starts when their very detailed slides finally pop up on the screen, "to ask yourselves a question. Who are you?"

There's a groan at the back of the classroom that Tenten silences with Kakashi's blue whiteboard marker. Neji continues. "I am Neji Hyuga."

"And I am Tenten."

"Today we bring to you not a presentation, but an expression of our souls. Our time together with Eggbert von Hyugastein has taught us many valuable lessons." There's a slight cough when Eggbert's name is brought up.

"Humility," Tenten quips, slamming her closed fist into an open palm as each new word is accompanied by a different picture of Eggbert wearing different costumes, "Patience. Creativity. Respect. Cooperation. Bonding. Compromise." She shoots a megawatt smile at Neji that he doesn't have enough time to properly absorb but responds to with gusto nevertheless.

"We found ourselves struggling to juggle work with family, fun with stress, and sternness with flexibility - but in the end, we pulled through and learned the true meaning of parentage. And that is, responsibility."

Neji retakes the helm and places Eggbert on the front desk. Their PowerPoint presentation lands on the final picture - one of Neji and a Tenten smiling down at their baby. "After a month with Eggbert, I can safely say that if anything happens to my baby I will make everyone's lives a living Hell." She beams proudly at how he maintains his classic straight-faced, no-nonsense face. The classroom remains deafeningly silent. "Many times, I have considered electrocution, but apparently that's illegal when performed deliberately."

"Apparently," Tenten reinforces with a dagger-like glare at the audience.

"And now I ask you all - who are we? We are parents," the slides move alongside Neji's words. "Parents who love, hate and sacrifice for their children. I think I can vouch for everyone here that they would devote their lives to their children. Except you, Lee. You'll chase them away with green spandex."

"Hear hear!" Lee cheers from the back, causing several others to join in with the standing ovation. Neji and Tenten bow at the front with ear-splitting grins on their faces before walking back to their desks triumphantly. The whooping does down as Mr Hatake heads to the front of the classroom, mildly dazed.

"Thank you, Neji and Tenten, for that shining pearl of wisdom. You truly...outdid yourselves," he allows a brief silence to commemorate his words, "Now, who would like to go next?"

The classroom immediately shrinks back, leaving Lee to stand up from his desk exuberantly and march to the front with lines of determination on his face. "Me! Me!"

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"You know, we don't have to hang out after school anymore." Tenten swings her backpack around her shoulder and smiles at Neji, who's standing beside her expectantly. They'd received an A, of course, though Neji's been whining about the lack of a '+' and Mr Hatake's lack of a spine, apparently, for not being able to stomach empty threats. She's just glad that they scored so high, really, and that they got to keep their egg.

"True, but I've been meaning to say something."

He waits for her to finish rifling through the rest of her papers and look up at him before continuing. "I think you're great."

"Oh. Thanks!" She replies brightly, pretending that Neji Hyuga overtly displaying his thoughts isn't throwing her off a ledge at all.

"I mean," he seems to retract a few mental steps, a little deflated at her reaction, "If you ever need anything, like lunch at The Golden Flower, or a movie partner, or perhaps-"

"Hold up," she stops him, her palm pressed directly over his sternum. He flushes a little at the contact but clamps his jaws together regardless. "What are you trying to say?"

"Date," he blurts out, face reddening, "Would you like to go on a date some time?"

"Sure. How about this Friday?" Grinning, Tenten lets go of her hold over his chest and skips a little when they exit the classroom. Neji positively beams.

"That sounds perfect."

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 **-misspandalily**


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